Inspired by “THINKING”! After reading the first chapter of “Life is a Verb” by Patti Digh, and some of the writings of Juliana Coles. Who knows where it will take me next!
It is my belief I chose this life at this time on this planet with all the lessons, happy, sad and downright painful that come with it. Why then have I been grieving? Why am I feeling this deep sadness, anger and sometimes downright bitterness. I know I’ve had some tremendous wallops - enough to flatten anyone ... I think it’s time to get up and get going. I think it’s time to be grateful for everything I have received, over the top happiness, the middle earth root bound sadness and grief, and the day to day small wonderful things which I do love so very much. Therefore I am writing the following, straight from my heart in order to connect with my story, accept it, be grateful for it, and move forward.
“The Declaration of Gratefulness for ALL of my LIFE, every teenie weenie bit of it” by Donna Parker, February 7, 2012
I am so very grateful for my life .. all of it. The joy, the tragedy and the broken heart. Because of it, I have become the woman I am in the present moment. I ‘get it’. I am compassionate and because of all of it I have found my artist ... hidden deep within forgotten crevasses, now exposed and basking in the light. I am so very grateful for those who have hurt me the deepest, especially my family. I now know what it feels like to feel empty, alone, wounded and unloved. I understand what it is to be broken ... to have the pieces scattered so far and wide, I may never find them all. I am becoming stronger because of it. I am growing because of it. I am finding myself because of it. I want to thank my parents who loved me and protected me so much I could not function. I want to thank my brother and his family who are the source of so much of my pain and sadness. I am most grateful to my husband who taught me to be who I was. Who opened me up to such a depth I am forever changed. I want to thank him for leaving me when I needed him most. I want to thank him for teaching me about true love, deep love, everlasting love. Without him, I never would have known what what it felt like to be cherished, what it felt like to find toothpaste on my brush every single morning of our togetherness. I am thankful for the twenty years he was able to so freely give me. Thank you to my dear friends who have left me. Thank you for those friends who saw me as a mirror and ran. Thank you for family who have abandoned me. Thank you for my spiritual children who loved me beyond my wildest dreams and are no longer able to be here for me. Thank you for my own spirit, who I constantly struggle with and challenge for growth, perhaps at a faster speed than it is capable of. Thank you for Mexico. Thank you for the loss of my fortune. The experiences here have changed my life. The experience here has hurt me deeply.
On the other side of the coin - Thank you for all the time I need to heal and grow back the missing parts. They will be new and better. Already, I know they are stronger, more compassionate, more loving, less patient, more angry, more outspoken, and have an incredible ability to take care of ME. Thank you for the Artist within, thank you for allowing me to find her, hold her and love her. Thank you for the beautiful atmosphere here where she can nurture herself and grow her creativity. As I heal I develop the ability to survive. I am grateful for that. There were times when I thought survival was not possible.
All of this is learning and growing. That’s why I’m here. That is why I chose this life. I accept it now with a knowing and understanding I have not been able to find in the past. Life is gifting me wisdom. I am becoming a wild woman, a chrone, the woman I was meant to be. It is also gifting me an anger and fierceness and a new kind of happiness to deal with it. I had not thought this possible. I am forever changed ... forever. I AM GRATEFUL.
I honour who I am. I honour the gifts I carry with me. I am able to use them now. I am able to share them. I am able to allow them. I am able to accept them. When I look back to where I began, I have traveled such a very long way. I am a better person for all of it. Every teenie weenie little bit of it. Life amazes me and for that, I am grateful. Really. I am.
To Come Forth Gradually into Being
8 years ago
