* The Beggar

I stumble, I fall, I bleed.  Tripping over roots and boulders of the past in search of acceptance, surrender and the grace to move forward.  To live in the moment.  To find my happiness once more.

I search and seek
in forests damp and dark
where memories lurk
and pull at me
from deep caves and caverns.
I see no light,
One measly crack would do.
Why can I find none.
Why can I not break away
from the pull, the magnetism
of the darkness, of the past.
It sticks to me like
dried dung.
Like an animal I roll
and wallow in it,
covering myself in its smell
it's imprint.
My childhood roots cling to me,
Wrap themselves around me,
Wrenching me back in time
Like some horror movie.

The pain is too great to bear.
I beg you, allow me my freedom.
Release me.
No good can come of this.
These tears, these howlings,
These broken pieces can
Never be made whole.
Loosen your grip.
Unwrap yourselves from me
And let me crawl away
To lick my wounds in peace.

Must all healing come
from such shattered pieces,
From such brokeness,
From such hell?
My connection with the Universe is gone.
It's shattered.
Null and void.
My soul severed by some unseen sword.
I am split in two
Forever searching for the other half.

I beg for healing.
I beg for wholeness.
I beg for peace.