* This moment in time ...

This moment in time
I have forgotten completely
what friendship and love
feel like.
Did I ever really know?
Was it all an illusion?
I am uncomfortable.
My tribe is far and away.
I scatter deep sadness
And anger in my wake.
Do not come near me!
I am dry,
I am empty.
A cavern lives within.
It is cold,
There is no fire.
Tears pour forth
from the river which
runs deep under middle earth.
No touch of human mind or body
exists in my reality.
I have forgotten their blessings.
I am barren,
An empty shell,
Nothing to share.
A bitter old woman,
Who once longed to
be a loving crone.
The bitterness spills and
sticks on others.
Stay Away!
It will stick to you
like silt in the dessert.
Stay away I say!
Not one step closer.
My loved ones disappeared
long ago and only
now do I have that knowing.
My spirit shakes with
anger and betrayal.
Questions seep from
deep cracks
and dark damp holes.
Fear possesses my body.
My guts have turned to muck.
I am afraid to cough or
spit in case I
shake it loose
and simutaneously explode
spreading small particles
to the far reaches of the earth.
I could not fix it alone,
And I am alone.

So keep yourself together
bitter old women.
Hold on tight
For if you let go
You will fly to smithereens.
There are no insane asylums
No one cares if you can't find
all the pieces.
So don't let go,
or do you want to die in
some dark damp alley way
not knowing your own name?