* Waiting for Caitlin

February 3, 2011
Restaurant at the Instituto, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico

I wonder what will become of me?
I wonder if I will be able to stay?
I wonder if all this pain is just a flair?
I wonder if it will heal?
I wonder if I will have to go?
I wonder if I will be an artist here ...
A 'real' artist who hangs things in galleries.
An artist who profits from her product.
According to a friend of mine, that's
who 'real artists' are.
Do I agree?
No, I do not agree.
I believe a 'real' artist is one who
creates art.
It makes no difference what
happens to it.
It is still 'real' and the artist who
created it is still 'real'.
It's all about the creating ... that's all
it's about.
Do I really believe that?
I don't really know if I do or not.
I wonder if it will all become clear?
I wonder when Caitlin will arrive?
I wonder what we will do?
I wonder if my legs will hold me up?
I wonder if walking will be painful?
I wonder if I can hide my pain?
I wonder if I'll be able to fake it?
I wonder about so much.