It is our first Christmas without Mama! Oh how we miss her. As I decorate the house for Papa and me - I try to put some of Mama's favorite things out - to honour her and to remind us she is still with us in spirit. She adored her Royal Doulton "White Lady" - the one she carried home from England on her knee - gently guarding her fragile treasure. We used that piece on the alter to represent her spirit. I put out Mama's and Papa's favorite ornaments - the ones their grandchildren had made for them through the years. Then there is the china Santa/sleigh and two reindeer. I remember Mama laughing one year as she set it out on the table - telling me how much she loved it. I will always treasure that piece because when I look at it, I will remember Mama's laugh. Papa and I light candles each night. On the alter with the 'White Lady"are two smaller candles with a very tall candle in the middle. The two smaller candles represent Papa and I, while the tall candle represents and honours Mama's life here on earth and her Spirit beyond the veil. We light our candles and then together light Mama's with our flames. Then we say a prayer. It is quite comforting for both of us. We cry a lot, but it also feels good to grieve. The rest of Christmas was OK. It seems odd to be home with all the family after so many years away. We are not close anymore - however I still love them all. It is all so bitter sweet, I spend most of the time with a lump in my throat. Change comes over time and there's nothing we can do but accept with grace.
During the week between Christmas and New Year, Papa took a bad turn at the dinner table and completely passed out. I was unable to revive him. I called 911 and we went to the hospital in the ambulance. He nearly crossed over twice - no blood pressure - but he stabalized. They kept him in the hospital all night and I brought him home the next day. I cannot imagine loosing Papa too - I will feel very much like an orphan. I must prepare myself!
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