* Suddenly, you were here ...

You came last night.  Suddenly, you were here - we were talking and laughing and sipping the grape.  You told me how you felt when you left - how you bolted - how you ran away - how you couldn't deal with leaving me in a humane way.  You said you were sorry - sorry you couldn't - sorry you wouldn't - sorry you shouldn't - sorry for all the omissions, for not being able to talk, to explain, to buffer the blow.  Sorry for the mixed messages, how confused you yourself were, you were sorry, you were sorry. We talked, we wept.  I told you of my pain.  The pain caused from not being able to talk, not being able to communicate.  The pain it caused me because you couldn't, wouldn't listen and hear me.  Not being heard by you was so foreign to me. Talking with you, so openly, so honestly .... so healing.

We moved on to other happier topics.  Your house, my house, your partner, our girls, your girls, jobs, travels, memories of the good times, the loved relatives, the not so loved relatives.  All good stuff! Talking like we had never been apart.  Talking like we had always been able to talk - easily, comfortably, and deeply.  We were warm and content, intoxicated with the nostalgia of happy memories.  The wine, the candle light, the comfort of each others company, the comfort of two old souls touching.

I shared my 'delightful delovely' balcony with you.  My haven, my little piece of me in this big old house that is not in chaos.  We enjoyed the space together - sipping and pouring and laughing and crying.  Years of togetherness all in one moment.

I welcomed you to me bed.  My beautiful snowy white, clean, puffy, warm, cozy, virginal bed.  You welcomed me to your arms, your hands, your skin, your face, your mouth; your beautiful full familiar mouth, open and wet and welcoming.  Your tongue, my tongue, licking, probing, giving, taking, consuming, craving, wanting, having, enjoying, relishing - loosing ourselves in each other bodies and minds and souls.  So familiar, so comfortable - every nook and cranny a memory, an old memory, a new memory.  The mole on your face, the dimple still there at the base of your spine - the scar on your leg.  All of you - with me - with you - together.  Loosing my tongue in the hair on your chest, the soft part of your belly - so velvet and smooth.  Your legs and thighs still strong, your cheeks still soft in my hands.  Your hands, your arms, your mouth, all in the right places, the familiar paces, the well known, new again places.  Our bodies and souls tangled - loosing their own separate form and becoming one new form.  Beautiful, sacred, holy, comforting, comfortable.  Blissfully falling into the gentle blackness of sleep - in your arms - the familiarity of nineteen years - the newness of one night.  Relaxing into your  body, curled together - you into mine - I into yours.  Gently falling - falling into the sweetness of the night, the gentleness of sleep.

Dawn - stirring - seeing your body next to me -- our bodies touching - coming slowly awake.  Coffee in bed - 2 cups each - chatting, enjoying, familiar, new, old, comfort.

Strolling though the house.  You advised me on 'manly things', the fix it jobs you would have done in the old days.

The restaurant, breakfast, chatting, laughing, comfortable, old friends, old souls.

A nostalgic drive, our old haunts.  Maple Bay, our little float home - silence in the car - both of us remembering.

Back to the house.  Hugs in the car.  Good wishes, take care - the old familiar smile and wave.

Then, suddenly you are gone.  The lump in my throat is huge.  I willed myself to move forward and open the gate.  The old familiarity of aloneness, the newness of being without you.